


Reasons, Excuses, and Blame

by TetrodotoxinB



Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Day 8, Hurt/No Comfort, Internalized lack of self worth, James MacGyver's A+ parenting, Past verbal and emotional abuse, Self Esteem Issues, Whumptober 2020, abandoned, parental abandonment, the illogical thought processes of a 10yo boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TetrodotoxinB/pseuds/TetrodotoxinB
Summary: James has just left Mac with Harry. Mac reflects on what might have led to this.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947493
Comments: 22
Kudos: 25
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Reasons, Excuses, and Blame

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [aravenwood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravenwood/pseuds/aravenwood) for her extreme kindness in being willing to beta all of these whumptober fills! Especially so since she's also writing her own (amazing!) fics too! Please go check her out and give her some love!!!!!!!!!!

Mac had finally worked up the courage to ask Harry if Dad was coming back. But he’s not. Mac kinda already knew that, and now he feels stupid for asking. Now he just feels like he’s a needy little kid asking where daddy is. Mac’s old enough that he shouldn’t need a parent for anything other than the basics — food, shelter, legal reasons. 

And it’s not like Dad liked him or that having Dad back would be better. Heck, living with Harry is pretty great. Mac doesn’t have to spend hours doing weird textbook assignments, he gets to spend the night with Bozer, and he can have toys like the other kids do. 

But there’s something about Dad leaving, without even saying goodbye, that has Mac all tied up in knots. Mac knows what is, but he doesn’t wanna talk about it to anyone. He knows he’s being a baby about it. He doesn’t need his dad to love him, he just wants it, and Mac knows that you don’t ask for things you don’t need. People are busy and you’ll only be wasting their time. 

With Dad gone and Mom dead, Mac really only has Harry. And Harry is old. Mac knows it’s rude to mention, but old people tend to die more often than young people, statistically speaking anyway. Mom and Josh both died pretty young, but then there’s a word for that — tragedy. Either way, Mac knows that at this rate, he’ll be alone in the world by the time he’s out of high school, and with Harry diabetic and in heart failure — Mac looked up the medications he takes on the school library computer during lunch — he’s probably not wrong. 

Mac picks up a rock and throws it. What’s the point of family? Why bother loving people in the first place? They either leave or die. And what did Mac do that made Dad leave? Sneaking out to play with the other kids, sneaking toys into the shed out back or making them himself? Watching cartoons when he was supposed to be watching a documentary? Dad always caught him and Mac always paid the price. Did Dad just get tired of him? Or was he just not good enough? Was he really that bad?

Mac angrily throws another rock and it bounces down the drive and off into the leaves. Bozer never had to do any of that stuff. He got a C in math last year and still got a super soaker for Christmas. Mac got all As but Dad said a tree was a waste of time and Mac didn’t get anything.

Maybe Dad’s just an asshole, Mac thinks. But that doesn’t seem right because why would mom wanna marry a jerk? Mom, who always told him that she loved him, especially right before bed. Mom, who never called him “weak” or “dramatic” for crying. Mom, who gave Mac light up sneakers for his birthday the year she died. It doesn’t make sense to Mac that someone like her would marry someone like Dad if he were just mean. So it probably is just Mac, and Dad probably did just get tired of him. 

Whatever. Mac doesn’t need him anyway. He can study on his own and learn to make radios without Dad to hold his hand. They’ll see. Mac doesn’t _need_ anybody. Maybe, once he gets better at this, once he’s finally finished his fluid mechanics book, Dad won’t be so tired of him anymore. Maybe then they can have some fun together once Mac stops screwing around. 

Mac sighs, half-heartedly lobs another rock, and then gets up to go inside. All of Dad’s books are right where he left them, and Mac picks up differential equations and thermodynamics from the top of the stack and retreats to his room. He knows now what he needs to do, and promises himself that he’ll be useful, no matter what it takes.


End file.
